Steve's Memorial Service and Celebratory Reception

I want to thank all of you who were able to attend Saturday's services. We were so blessed to have so many friends and family in attendance. I am just sorry that I was not able to personally thank everyone in person for attending. Steve would have been genuinely overwhelmed by the many accolades that were given in his honor. The tributes were so gracious and kind (and True)!! Steve loved the Lord and he loved his family and friends. And his greatest wish would be to see everyone again in Heaven with him.

The hard begins for myself and my girls in learning to live a life without him. The ache is very real and very harsh. I have to remember to breathe in and out. And at times I wish I couldn't breathe and could be with him. And in those moments, I know that Steve gave me the task to care for "our girls and grandchild". I miss him so much and don't know how I will live life without him. He was the most caring, kind and generous man. He loved me like no one else ever has or ever will. And to view the rest of my days without him is probably the hardest reality I face. I am angry with God for taking away my soul mate and lover, but realize that I didn't want him to suffer as he had the last night before his death. God answered my prayer and took him home. But the giant hole is so large and my pain so great!!

My friend, Linda Pierce, from Rockford has stayed with me and will return home to Rockford on Thursday. Then I will be all alone and trying to fill the many empty hours of being without Steve.

Lynsey has enrolled in our community college and will be staying at home. But she is dealing with her grief by keeping so busy she can't think.

Amanda is dealing with her grief by crying and spending time with me as much as she can while working and caring for Faith.

I'm not sure what to say.......how does one adjust to life without someone as dynamic a person as Steve? What do I do with my life? How do I care for this huge house by myself? Do I stay in my home? Do I stay in Douglas County?

I feel like I'm walking in sludge. I can't think. I can't process information. I walk into rooms not sure of what I'm supposed to be doing. I know that I have lots of busy work to do, e.g life insurance issues, taxes to work on, dig out my house after months of being away from home, try to find a rhythm to life without Steve and
as half a couple, trying to stay sane, & make tear soup. I talked to many of you about the book "Tear Soup" and in reading the book,I realize that time and tears will be my only solace. This journey is not one I recommend for anyone. Plus this journey needs to be taken alone, and occasionally with the help of friends and family.

As I remember the "list" I needed to ask help of. I think of other needs of a widow. There should be a list for widows who are walking this strange & difficult journey alone. Being responsible for a house when your mate was the one in charge of all things mechanical, repairable, and fixable. A daunting task, a task I don't relish doing. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the immense charge of speaking wisdom to my daughters. Words that Steve used so eloquently to them. The quiet strength he had in every situation. Please Lord, what do I do?

I know not what my future holds............but am hopeful that the Lord will hold my hand in the future without Steve.

much love,
mj

Steve's Ties and memorial service

As many of you know, Steve loved children and he found an organization that made "Save the Children" ties and for years our family purchased ties for him to wear to work. He was a "tie- type of guy". So we have decided to celebrate his love of children and ties at his memorial service.

We have discovered that he has dozens of ties and we have one for each of you to wear to the memorial service; should you decide you'd like to wear one. We have picked out ties for many of you to wear. Some are silly; some not--but we'd like you to wear a tie in memory of Steve on Saturday.

With the left over ties we are going to use them as part of the centerpieces on the tables at the reception.

I will attempt to get your ties to you, if possible. If you can come by my house, I will allow you to choose what I have left. Gals, you can wear the tie as a head band, a belt, a scarve or a tie--your choice!

Steve would think this action funny and his wonderful sense of humor would be tickled by your wearing of his ties.

IF you have a fun tie that kind of looks kooky--please wear it in Steve's honor. No one needs to know that the tie you are wearing is Not from Steve's collection.

I'm trying to keep Steve's memory alive without sobbing and this way I think I can, by looking around and seeing his ties on so many that he loved!
If I haven't included everyone, please pass the word along and emphasize that If anyone has a childrens or funny tie of their own, please wear it..

mj

Preparations for the next week

Hello dear friends,

In preparations for my father's upcoming Memorial/Celebration of Life there are a few things we are asking of you, as if you all of you haven't given us enough yet, HA.
But I promise this is nothing like the infamous " List"

-- If you happen to have pictures of steve, please email them to me (Lynsey) as I will be creating a DVD for his celebration of life.
my email is: nycismykindacity@gmail.com

--If you would like to share a memory of my father at the celebration of life, please write that down or just remember it, because we would love everyone to share if they would like to.

-- Also check out this article written by the News Review our local paper. :)
http://newsreview.info/article/20080404/NEWS/844311900

-- Lastly if you want to help with food that will be served on Saturday please contact Sue Green at 541.672.8415

Thank you to everyone who has continued to walk with us during this extremely difficult time.

~Lynsey

Steve's Memorial Service

My lover, best friend, and husband's Memorial Service will be held on Saturday, April 12 at Sutherlin Family Church, Sutherlin, Oregon at 11:00 a.m.

Following the memorial service, a Celebration of Steve's life will be held. Where we'd like to celebrate Steve's life with the Lord. He was well loved and we want to laugh and remember the man who touched so many lives.

We are asking that in lieu of flowers that any donations to be made to the Steve Smith Educational Fund, PO Box 689, Oakland, Oregon 97462. Steve was a big propronent of education and wants his girls to get theirs.

Tonight (Friday) our local newspaper will have an article about Steve and I will send the link so that you all can read about the nomination he received.

Days are busy, but am sure that when the dust settles I'll be left with a large hole in my heart as well as in my life. No one writes a book on how to deal with a broken heart and tells you how to continue living without the person you love the most is no longer next to me. One of the ESD counsellors let me read a wonderful book called "Tear Soup" and it struck a chord, so I am going to order it. It spoke to me.
Maybe it'll be my recipe for the next few months--as I'll have plenty of tears to make the Soup.

mary jo

....Bittersweet News

With a broken heart, I am extremely sad to say that my father passed away this morning.

He had been in terrible pain last, didn't eat dinner and had begun to hallucinate.
Hospice arrived around 10:30 to help with his pain, shortly after that my dad fell asleep. My mom went in to check on him and his forehead was cold and he wasn't breathing. He looked peaceful.

We are confident that he is no longer in pain and has indeed gone home to be our Savior in Heaven.

God did answer our prayers but not in the way we asked, he healed him for eternity and he is no longer in pain nor is he suffering. And I have peace knowing how loved he was and how much he loved those around.

More information to follow about services in his honor.

Again thank you to everyone who has loved my father.

---- Lynsey